Hat Etiquette and Traditions
What Every Mother of the Bride Should Know
Wearing a hat to your daughter’s wedding is a long-standing tradition in the UK. It symbolises elegance, formality, and your unique role in the day. But many mums find themselves wondering: Should I wear a hat? When do I take it off? What’s the etiquette? Over the years, I’ve guided countless mothers through these questions, helping them feel confident in their choices.
Here’s what you need to know about mother-of-the-bride hat etiquette and how to wear one gracefully and style.
The Tradition of Wearing a Hat
Wearing a hat as the bride’s mother is more than just a fashion statement – it’s a time-honoured tradition. Historically, women wore hats to church and formal events, and weddings were no exception. Today, while it’s no longer mandatory, many Mothers wear one to nod to tradition and mark their essential role in the celebration.
A well-chosen hat can complete your outfit, elevate your confidence, and make you feel like the proud Mother you are. Some ladies opt for fascinators or hatinators instead of traditional wide-brimmed hats, which can be a great alternative if you’re not used to wearing larger headpieces.
Key Hat Etiquette that Every Mother-of-the-Bride Wants to Know
1. Your Hat Sets the Tone
As the mother of the bride, your choice of hat often sets the tone for what other female guests decide to wear. Traditionally, no guest – including the groom’s mother – should wear a larger or more elaborate hat than yours. This isn’t about competition, but about you setting the standard and recognising your influential status in the wedding. I often have long conversations with my customers about the style of the wedding (formal/casual), the number of guests, the season, the venue - all of which help us make decisions together about what would be the perfect choice of hat for you.
2. Most Ladies Choose to Coordinate with the Bride and Bridal Party
While your hat should stand out, I feel it should also harmonise with the wedding’s overall colour scheme. Talk with your daughter about colours, formality, and any preferences she might have. Traditionally, the mother of the bride chooses her outfit first, then informs the mother of the groom so she can select something complementary. I always think of the photograph in the silver frame sitting on the mantle piece for the rest of time, and if that is a harmonious image rather than one person standing out (for all the wrong reasons!) then its a beautiful memory of a fabulous day.
3. When to Wear and Remove Your Hat
A common concern is knowing when to take your hat off! Traditional etiquette suggests keeping your hat on through the ceremony, formal photographs, and the wedding breakfast (the meal). After the speeches, most ladies discreetly slip away for a freshening-up before the evening reception begins, giving them the opportunity to remove their hat and tidy their hair - and often slip into some comfier shoes! Many female guests will take their cue from you, waiting until you remove your hat before they feel able to do the same.
4. Hats Stay ON Indoors (For Women!)
Unlike gentlemen, who should remove their hats indoors, women’s hats are part of their outfits and are traditionally worn throughout the formal proceedings. However, if your hat is large and blocking someone’s view during the ceremony, you may wish to adjust or remove it briefly out of courtesy.
5. Mastering the Hat Greeting
Navigating hugs and greetings with a hat requires a bit of practice. If you’re wearing a wide-brimmed hat, tilt your head slightly when greeting someone to avoid any awkward brim collisions. The same applies to wedding photos - angle your hat so your face is visible and not cast in shadow. I suggest lifting your chin whenever a camera is pointed at you helps tremendously, putting all those hours of deportment practice to good use by giving you a fantastic 'line' and an air of grace and sophistication throughout the wedding album!
Choosing the Perfect Hat
Picking the right hat balances style, proportion, and personal comfort. Here are a few tips to ensure you find the perfect match:
Match the Wedding’s Formality: A grand church wedding can call for a wide-brimmed or structured saucer hat, while for a relaxed garden wedding, a more petite fascinator could be more suitable.
Destination Weddings: I have a wide range of hats and headpieces that can fit into a special-sized hat box that can act as your carry-on luggage on the plane - you needn't fear that you won't be fully accesorised at your daughter's wedding! Some customers have even been known to order a smaller perching pill-box style hat, which they can pack into a round food container (Tupperware anyone?), then nestle it densely into the centre of their suitcase so it will travel safely in the hold - perfect!
Consider Your Dress Silhoette: If you're wearing a slim fitting shift dress, perhaps with a long coat or short bolero jacket over it, consider either a wide brim at an angle (no wider than your shoulders unless you're making a real fashion statement) or a tipped perching 'beret' style that hugs the side of the forehead and sits in line with the column shape of your silhouette. Alternatively, if you are wearing a 'tea dress' with a wide hemline, opt for a wide brim that is either symetrical or (what most ladies go for) a softly undulating brim with a gradual upturn - this enhances the hour-glass effect of your silhouette by being wider at the top and bottom and accentuating a slimmer waist - it also nicely ties together the flowing lines of your dress with the gentle curves of the brim.
Some Ladies choose to Coordinate, not Match: they opt for a hat that complements the dress, not to blend in entirely. Perhaps selecting a colour that is the same tone as the outfit, without it being identical.
Think About Hair and Comfort: We will talk about how your hair will be styled on the day and how your hat will sit - even down to the question of either you setting your hat yourself or your hairdresser doing that for you. To aid with the fitting, I'll often sew colour-toned discreet headbands, elastic or combs into hats for an added feeling of security.
To Hat or Not to Hat? Modern Considerations
While traditional etiquette leans towards wearing a hat, modern weddings allow for a lot of flexibility. If you’re uncomfortable in a large 'picture' hat, you can opt for a smaller headpiece or even go without one - there's no law! The most important thing is that you need to feel confident and comfortable, so don’t worry about fitting into a specific mould.
Some mothers worry about looking “too formal” or “old-fashioned.” But a well-styled hat or fascinator can be a sophisticated, stylish addition to your look. Let's face it, most of us like to 'dress up' at least occasionally, and if not at your own daughter's wedding... then when!? I have to say, if you’re at all unsure, please try on different styles before making a final decision. Many customers standing in my hat studio who say they’re “not a hat person” often change their minds once they find the one that doesn't make them giggle when they look at themselves in the mirror!
Final Thoughts
At the heart of all these traditions and etiquette rules is one key message: wear what makes you look amazing and feel fabulous. Your daughter’s wedding is a special occasion, and whether you opt for a classic wide-brimmed hat, a modern fascinator, (or no headpiece at all), the most important thing is to feel confident in your choice.
We can take time together to find something you'll love, embracing tradition if it suits you, and most of all, enjoying every moment of the big day. This is often such a fun part of wedding planning, so have fun with it. Hats off (or on!) to you, Mum, for making this wedding day even more memorable for you and your family.
Happy Customers
It's such a privilege to receive photographs after the event - here is a small selection from the main Happy Customers Gallery which you can browse fully by clicking here.
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